My friend Joyce L. sent me this link today. Oh, the timing of it. Watch first...
The Name of God is the Sound of Our Breathing...Jason Gray
Wow....I dont even know what to say to respond to that. It made me melt inside for a whole bunch of reasons! Breath...is such a significant thing to me. What others take so easily for granted, our family values like words can not even express. Every single day of life and breath is from God..every moment a precious gift. And to relate that to the very name of God...His name, His breath!!....is the most beautiful thing to me ever.
I am sharing life very transparently here, and I hope its OK...I have come to the point of realizing life is best shared openly with those you love. The deepest, most valuable relationships I have are those that are most transparent. So here you have it.. some of my bare thoughts.
... Although we have known Amber's diagnosis for a very long time now, the reality of it hits me sometimes. It has been that way lately. The fact that one day.....Amber will no longer breathe. It hits me at the oddest times. While shopping...I come across little panties that I know Amber will never wear...and I end up in my car in a puddle of tears. Or I see a little girl with her Grammy, laughing and playing and doing the things 2year olds and grammys should be doing. Or the other day..I needed a dress for a wedding. I found this beautiful dress that fit me like a glove..but it was black. I didnt want black for a wedding. But there have been nights over the past year..that I have laid in bed and thot..at some point we will get the call and we will need to go very quickly to Massacchusetts..and I dont want to have to worry about clothes and what to wear. No grandmother should have to think about these things.
..I shared this with my friend Paula the other day, and afterward I kept feeling guilty about thinking about death. About focusing on the negative instead of rejoicing in God's goodness. This morning as I was running and listening to music and worshiping, the Lord gently reminded me that what I REALLY desire is for each day to be about LIFE!! God has given me...and Amber and Charlie life today!!!...I thank Him for that!!!...I am in AWE of Him for that!!!....and I want each day to be a celebration of life and breath and God and all the simple pleasures that go along with life!!! This mans words, and his song....they are absolutely beautiful to me today.
The other thot that keeps coming to mind about this is...I often refer to talking with God as "breathing prayer". When something is sooo close to my heart and mind, and I am constantly talking with God about it, it is like breathing to me. Breathe out my cares and concerns to Him, breathe in God...His peace and His presence. How very precious to mesh this all together...breathing, prayer, Gods very name....I cant even quite express it..it is so very sweet!
I came across the name YHWH in my Bible a year or so ago...it made me melt inside then too, and I just sort of parked myself on those verses for a very long time. I had to leaf thru my Bible today to find them..I could picture the markings in my Bible in Isaiah because I had contemplated them for so long...
Isaiah 26:3-4...You will keep Him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. For in YAH, the Lord, is everlasting strength.
Isaiah 12:2...Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid; For YAH, the Lord, is my strength and song.
YAHWEH...the very name of God, His very breath..."What if the name of God is the very sound of our breath!!"...what a precious thot that is to me.
PS...and dont tell her, but for Ambers 3rd birthday...her Grammy has decided she needs frilly, fun panties!! :)