Amber passed away on May 19th. I loved her soooo incredibly much. There is so much I could say, but for now I dont have the words. I process life in the quiet and eventually it will pour out in the form of words, but for now I am in the quiet place. I reread the book "I Will Carry You", by Angie Smith. It is a testimony of a woman who carried her baby knowing the baby would die shortly after birth. Angies words were comfort and encouragement to me and to Schuyler this past year or so, and they are a comfort to me now. How to trust God when life hurts, how to find joy in sorrow, how to love others and appreciate life to the fullest regardless of the difficulties life brings.
I have a hard time focusing during times like this, so I find myself struggling to know what to read in Gods Word and how to keep focused on Him. After I read Angies book, I found she wrote another called "Mended". It is devotional excerpts from stuff she wrote in her blog during the time she carried her baby. I purchased one for me and one for my study partner, so here we go to see what God will teach us!
In the beginning of her book, Angie recommends finding a used piece of pottery..perhaps a pitcher, and smashing it! Someone recommended this to Angie after her baby died, God nudged her to do it, and He taught her many things thru her broken pitcher. Sooooo, earlier this week Paula went shopping, found each of us a pitcher, and we smashed!
Picture the broken pieces of my pitcher as my life.Things that seem a mess to me, things I wish I would have done differently, hurts and disappointments that seem unmendable, things I wish I could fix but cant. God is ALWAYS in the process of restoration! He wants to make something beautiful out of the ugly pieces of life. At the end of the first chapter of this book, Angie recommends that you think of one word that comes to mind and ask God to teach you. The word that quickly came to my mind was "redeemed". God is teaching me, thru the breaking of the pitcher and thru the simple dictionary definitions, a deeper meaning of the word redeemed.
*to buy back, repurchase
*to free from distress or harms
*to change for the better
*to atone for
Now I am supposed to put my pitcher back together! Really? How do I do that? First of all, Paula and I cant seem to find any glue that will work! So, this is what God is teaching me so far about Him...
*When I am broken, sometimes God has to hold me for a very long time before I am whole again. And in between I often fall apart and he pulls me together and holds me again.
*He uses different methods to restore me. If one doesnt work, He tries something different. God never gives up on me!
Psalm 56:13...For You have redeemed my soul from death and my feet from stumbling that I may walk before God in light of life.
Psalm 103:2,4...Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits. Who redeems your life from destruction and crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies.
...still sooo much to learn, will share in the days to come....